At brunch (we kind of skipped breakfast daily in Bora Bora), we met at our usual hotel spot, with a lovely beach view.
I woke up single and started getting used to it.
Suddenly, my imagination started building webs that said I came here alone, and you know, the stories you build up to protect yourself, and feel less disappointed.
The water was drifting with me, moving my body like I was in a rocking chair. Only it was a huge mattress, and right now, the shore was too tiny in my view.
The sun was calmer now. It would be about 6-ish, I said to myself.
I began paddling towards the beach and sat up on my sunburnt butt cheeks.
Two plastic paddles were waiting for me on both sides of the water mat. Smart decision, my brain mumbled.
Also, I had a strange feeling that I’d better go back, just because. But I wasn’t really afraid or enthusiastic about it either.
I felt a bit empty. A bit? I don’t know…
It’s a weird feeling. You don’t really know how empty you are until someone stirs something in you. That’s when you know how few resources you have to carry on a decent conversation, or you snap, or you simply get up from your seat and walk away.
Like I did at that brunch after Perlie’s comment.
Is he back yet? The nod in my stomach I thought I wouldn’t have, it now materialized. Probably from all these internal thoughts I was having.
Crap.
I told Mimi I was going to call her. It’s her birthday, and she’s one of the good friends I have.
Going in circles here. The waves weren’t helping me. Ok, now I started to panic a little bit. I just wanted to see if I’m closer to the shore.
It dawned on me while paddling about something I found in Jacob’s nightstand. It was a woman’s ring, silver with a yellow amber-ish stone. I took it and looked closer. The stone was flat, with a small, tiny tiniest button pegged to a side of the stone. I clicked it, and it lit green. I thought it must have been a spy camera or something. A mic? I didn’t know.
What was I doing looking in his nightstand? As I said, his behaviour was weird, and I did ask him, but he gave me that attitude like there’s something wrong with me instead.
So I went on a solo mission.
He never showed this ring to me, and it wasn’t exactly in sight. It was crammed with a bunch of stuff at the end of the drawer, in a small cardboard box that didn’t look like a ring box.
I put it back and thought about it a lot. I didn’t want to google anything like that, because I’m paranoid.
There were some follow-up questions like ‘were you ever recruited for some special services’, masked under a silly question game I initiated on a Sunday night at his place.
He stared funny but answered normally, without revealing anger or anything suspicious.
But the thing is, he acted more cautiously from that night on around me. He specifically texted me where he was going, and what would be the reasons he might be late, or that he would text me and let me know.
You know, very Mr. Right vibes, which wasn’t the case with him.
He’d say I gotta run, I’ll text you later. Then he’d text me way later, or the next day, when he’d say something like when can I see you? Completely forgetting about what he said yesterday.
I know, I know. I played along for too long.
So now that he was Mr. Right, I was even more intrigued. I guess I was a journalist in another life. I needed that story.
When I arrived on the shore, I grabbed my stuff, my pink flip flops, and I plugged along the beach, hoping to shake that fear off my stomach, hoping that looking at the waves crushing the sand would cure my overthinking.
Silly me.
My eyes got moist, just when my phone did a short ping, and I got THE text message. Motherfucker. A text message. After a day of missing from our vacation.
Meet me tonight at the bridge, near the big stones. 9:45
Do you expect me to be there? I replied, with my eyes still moist.
No answer. Well, at least I knew he was alive. And with all my reasoning and temperament, I knew I would go, because I couldn’t let a story like that slip between my fingers.
Why? Why did I have to become a journalist?
As I entered my room, I threw my stuff on the stand near the door, and removed my flip flops, slowly letting the tote bag slide off my shoulder, onto the fluffy grey carpet.
The bed was undone, as I left it this morning. I didn’t put the sign up for cleaning. I sighed. My room felt like a mild sauna, so I started the AC on a normal temperature and dragged myself into the shower.
As I was putting on some mascara and lip balm, I got a text message from Jane.
Purple bar at 9?
I’ll be an hour late. Still snoozing. The sun dried me fully.
Okay, we’ll be there. Xx
Who’s we?
Everyone literally. The boys confirmed they will all come. BTW, Jacob too. Did he text you??
He did actually, yeah.
Call?
No its fine…I need some mind decluttering from today’s heavy overthinking.
Got it girl. Ok, you take a nap and I’ll see you later.
I put the cleaning sign on the door, slid into my red Converse, and left in a whim. I had to know.
Jacob was waiting for me there, gazing into the vastness of the sea. He turned his head expectantly, as he sensed I was near him. He could do that.
You came.
No I didn’t, in a long time.
Oh, I see. And I’m to blame. For everything.
What’s going on?
He pursed his lips for a second, looked behind me and then down his leg. Like he tried to find his words or something. Unusually odd.
I wasn’t completely honest with you.
That much I gathered.
The thing is, all I can tell you is that we should call off this thing we call “us” (he air quoted). It stopped being a long time ago.
I called it off the minute you took off my side, at the club, without any notice. But it’s nice you thought to let me know, adorable really.
Yeah, ok.
That’s all? That’s what I came here for, Jacob? For real?
Well…yeah, I thought you deserved to know.
Oh, how wonderful. At least that, right?
He looked at me, and I could see the remorse in his frowning eyes.
What’s going on with that ring you have in your nightstand?
Excuse me?
The yellow ring. Don’t pretend. I found it accidentally.
Accidentally?
Yes.
He laughed nervously and looked away. He took a few steps to the left and crossed his arms.
It’s none of your business what that ring is.
Are you a spy? I was going full-blast journalist mode. Now that the waters had cleared, Jacob was a story I wasn’t ready to let go of. If nothing, at least I won’t leave this place without answers.
Oh, is that what you think? Well, if it brings you peace of mind, you can consider I am.
Nothing about you brings me peace of mind. This is strictly my professional instinct. Don’t get things wrong here.
I don’t. Trust me.
Are you a spy?
Jacob laughed and looked up, the down on me again.
Are you going to repeat that question until you get the right answer?
Probably.
No, I’m not.
Then what was that pretend to be ring?
It was a ring. With a little techy mechanism.
For what?
I wouldn’t know. I was keeping it for a friend.
Ohhhh, right. Thanks for clearing it.
Yeah, anytime. Anything else?
I stared at him and asked again. Where did you go, all those nights that you said you’d call and you texted the next day?
Mia. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m sure you have somewhere to be.
I smiled.
Ok, the last one. How did you know I was in the aisle the day you approached me?
Jacob’s face changed slightly, as he probably noticed I was set on the idea that our meeting wasn’t accidental.
And I also wasn’t fully honest with you about who I am, besides being a journalist.
You should go.
As I slowly walked backwards, still having him in sight, he said…
Oh, and Mia…the last one. I heard Palm Springs is a nice place to start fresh. You should really consider it.
Is that a threat?
That’s me landing you a lifeline. If I were you, I’d take it.
My steps felt heavy, and I was feeling cold on a moist, hot summer night. I left Jacob behind, and something told me it was the last time I’d see him. After that line, I couldn’t talk anymore, and I didn’t want to burst in his face. But he definitely got that. He knows me by now.
And I know two things about him, after this.
I can’t know who Jacob is yet. I have my doubts that have been confirmed, yes, but I don’t have the full agenda. He kept a lot to himself and set his pants on fire by saying that to me.
In that way, I feel a bit better, knowing one thing: he cares about me that much to put his life on the line like that.
And that also, he trusts me.
Who am I?
That’s a question to be answered as soon as the moon is up. I hear today is going to be a full one, and I’ll be alone in my room, writing all about it.
